Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

If you need more proof that relationships with coworkers are unwise, check out the results of this past year’s Harris Interactive survey. SimplyFired has compiled them as a list of rules:

1. Know the rules

Before wooing a co-worker, check your company’s employee handbook. If the rules say no inter-office dating and you want to keep your job, keep your thoughts – and your hands – to yourself.

Survey says: 35% of people have fantasized about a co-worker.

2. Know your co-worker

Get to know your co-worker before pursuing a romantic relationship. Make sure s/he’s single, not one to kiss and tell, and most importantly, not related to your boss.

Survey says: 6% of U.S. adults have dated a relative of a co-worker.

3. No means no.

She Loves You Not? If you ask a co-worker out and she/he says no, that’s it. Game over, do not pass go. Do not ask again, do not sulk, do not make further references to the encounter, jokes or innuendos, Clarence.

Survey says: 16% of U.S. men and 5% of U.S. women say they’ve been rejected by a co-worker.

4. Create a workplace prenup

Before moving forward in a relationship, have a candid conversation about what might happen if things go south. Be aware of any potential consequences to your career before starting a relationship and agree on boundaries and expectations.

Survey says: 5% of U.S. adults said they’ve had romantic relations with a co-worker that made work uncomfortable.

5. Don’t fish in your bass’s pond

If your new “love bunny” works in the same department as you do, be prepared to change departments or tell your boss.

6. Date up, not down

If you have a choice, it’s always safer dating someone above you. You may get fired, but at least you won’t get slapped with a sexual harassment suit. And on that note…tempting as it may be, stay clear of temp. Contractors, consultants, and interns can all spell trouble, Mr. President. Just because they don’t work for your company full-time doesn’t mean that the rules of the game are any different when it comes to dating these folks (at least while they’re under your roof).

Survey says: 7% of U.S. men and 11% of U.S. women have dated a boss or superior.

7. Keep your privates private

Don’t gab about your new romance. Love in the workplace becomes dangerous when it’s out in the open for others to scrutinize. No flirting, furtive glances in the elevator or taps on the derriere. People catch on to these cues.

Survey says: 9% of U.S. adults said they’ve had romantic relations with a co-worker that resulted in office gossip.

8. Use Hotmail for ‘hot’ mail

This may seem obvious, but plenty of people disregard it. Never use company email to exchange love notes or anything remotely suggestive. Companies can and do monitor email exchanges. If you must profess your undying affection while at work, use a private web-based email service like Yahoo or Hotmail.

9. Don’t drink and date

Be wary of office parties and more than 2 drinks. Too many careers have been killed when people have dropped their guard at an office party.

10. Your Office or Mine? NEITHER.

C’mon people, get a room. Don’t have sex or “sexual relations” in the office. Period.

Survey says: 16% of U.S. men and 7% of U.S. women reported having sex in the office.

Thanks to Simply Fired for the info.

Again, I think it is incredibly dumb to get intimately involved with a coworker while the two of you are working in the same office.  Most people learn this the hard way – from experience. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

 

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

An acquaintance of mine tells me that a coworker often forwards questionable e-mails and jokes, sometimes about sex, to the rest of the employees in her small office. While she’s not offended by the forwards, this is a very bad idea on the part of her coworker, for numerous reasons I’m sure I don’t need to explain. Keep this kind of thing out of the office. It just doesn’t belong in a professional setting. Not only does the sender of such messages put himself at risk for lawsuits, he also runs the risk of giving his business partners a certain impression of him and damaging future prospects within the company. Keep this kind of thing to the innocent and non-offensive.

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

Sex is a basic human need.  It is instinctive.  It is physiological.  It falls into the same category as the need for food and shelter.  All animals (including humans) have the instinct to procreate.

Humans have free will and self control.  This is one of the things that separate us from the animals.  Each of us have the ability, if we chose to do so, to control our desire to chase members of the opposite sex around the office.

Given that we have this ability to control ourselves, the question remains; Why do so many executives get in trouble for inappropriate sexual conduct at work?

Typically an executive tryst is not about sexual gratification as much as it is about other psychological issues.  The two primary drivers of this behavior are ego and power.  Many execs who have affairs do so to fulfill a gap in their self-esteem.   Believe it or not, many executives who are prepared and confident in the boardroom have deep insecurities in the bedroom.  The need to continually prove themselves in this area fuels their inappropriate behavior.

In other cases, having a workplace affair is a way for an executive to “mark his/her territory”.  This is purely about power.  The offending executive is making a statement to the rest of the office.  This person is saying; “I am the boss”.

Obviously, either of these reasons are warped thinking – and in fact this behavior is most often unconsciously driven.  So what is an executive in heat supposed to do?  Well, for starters, think about the business and the shareholders first and foremost.  An affair in the office will never end well.  Best case, it is a distraction.  Worst case, see William Jefferson Clinton.  

The bottom line is that the business leader has a responsibility to drive positive business momentum.  An office affair is one of the most selfish acts am executive can perpetrate.  Sex is a primal urge and it can make people do stupid things but each of us has the ability to just say “no”.

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

If you enjoy office romance you should consider moving to the United Kingdom. 

A little more than half  (53%) of the bosses in Britain said that sleeping with coworker was acceptable – according to a study conducted by the Aziz Corporation (a British consulting firm). The study also found that 55% of respondents believed that a relationship with a more senior colleague or client would not be a problem.  A staggering 73 percent of people surveyed said that a relationship with a colleague of the same seniority level was perfectly fine.

The study went on to find that one in eight people had admitted to participating in “intimate acts” in the office itself.  That’s 13% of the population “getting busy” on desks, chairs, conference room tables….well, you get the idea.  Those Brits are a wild bunch. 

The more I delve into the topic of sex and business or sex at work the more startled I become.  I guess it is not surprising that this happens, but it is surprising that people admit to it.  This topic definitely deserves a closer look.

The bottom line:  If you are working in the UK and you see a closed office door, make sure you knock!

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

While looking for some good information for this week’s “Sex and Business” item, I came across the 2006 Web@Work study conducted by Websense, Inc.  I’m a bit surprised by the numbers but I guess I should not have been.  There were three areas in particular that were a bit perplexing.  Here they are:

Job Risk – employees feel viewing adult content at work puts them at greater risk of losing their job than sleeping at their desk.  Forty-six percent said they believe they are at risk of losing their job by visiting adult content using their work Internet connection.

I’m surprised that this number is so low.  I know of several cases of people who were “let go” for using the company Internet connection for surfing porn sites.  If you think you can get away with it, chances are you can’t.  Use your home computer for this purpose – not the computer on your desk at work. In fact, every story I hear about someone visiting an adult site in the office ends with, “and they were fired”. 

By the way, if your doing some type of split test, where you alternate between sleeping at your desk and surfing for porn, you have too much time on your hands.  

Offensive Material in E-mail – 12 percent of employees said that they have had a co-worker, friend, or acquaintance send a link to their work email address that they considered offensive.

Again, I find this number to be quite low.  I receive at least one item each day that is at least mildly “blue”.  Some of the e-mail I receive is downright raunchy.  Maybe it’s the quality of people with whom I correspond…….

Online Pornography – 12 percent of employees have either by accident or on purpose, visited a pornography web site while at work.  The overwhelming majority of those who have visited pornography sites at work (95 percent) said their visit to the site was accidental.

These people are flat-out lying.  I can’t believe that these folks typed in “spreadsheet” and they got …..well, you understand what I mean.  I know of a person who visited a porn site “accidentally” for forty-five minutes. She was fired.

The moral of the story is that looking at naked people on your computer at work puts your job at risk. 

 

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

Romantic relationships require effort.  Smart people often do dumb things when it comes to romance at work.  Romance (or in some cases lust) does not follow any rational guidelines.  We all spend a great deal of time at work and when we work in close proximity to people we find attractive, strange things can happen.

For many people an office romance is like a car crash.  It is a terrible and disastrous situation but we are magnetically drawn to it.  

Here’s something you should think about before running down the hall like a dog in heat. 

There is no happy ending.  In most cases the best you can hope for a marriage.  If you marry someone from the office, the best case scenario will be that one of you leaves the company.  This is tough because it requires a career change for one of the two parties.  

In the worst case, you’ll face allegations of favoritism or you may even be sued for harassment.  Anytime you mix your personal life and business you expose yourself to claims of preferential treatment.  People become bitter when they perceive the playing field to be unfairly tilted.  This bitterness can often become an expensive proposition.

It is tough enough to face the challenges that arise in normal work situations. Why would anyone want to complicate things by carrying on with a coworker?

Ok….don’t answer that…

 

 

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Posted by Dave Lorenzo - Business Coach

Yes folks, we have another new category.

This category is going to be a blatant attempt to to woo visitors to the site by talking about the topic most people think about constantly.  Yes, sex.  I will keep it clean – well as clean as possible. 

There will be no photos, no bad words and no graphic descriptions of acts, activities or things that might offend most people. 

Sex is something that gets people in trouble at work and it is something that often creeps into the work environment in weird ways.  That is the context within which we will discuss this topic.

As always, I welcome your feedback.  Leave a comment or send me an e-mail to let me know what you think.

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